Why does it happen? Why do people find it easier to give up than to get going? Why is it that dying looks and seems to be easier than living on? What tension could be such big, bigger than life? Are we so busy counting our ‘have nots’ that we ignore what we ‘have’? We have family, friends, means to communicate even if away from them, neighbours, helpline numbers, NGOs, unknown people willing to help…. endless goes the list. Even if we do not have one or more of these things, we have one thing and one person for sure- that one thing is LIFE and that one person is YOU. I know it is always easier said than done. And who knows it better than me, who was once, in this stage myself. I used to think while walking on the road, “let this truck come near me, and I will jump before it, not giving it time to stop before crushing me to death”. But immediately after that thought, may be just together, came the thought of my daughter, my father. One, whom I brought into this world and the other, who brought me into this world. And the question that stopped me was “Is my life only mine?” And the answer was NO! How could I give away something that is not mine? What will happen to them when they hear that I’m gone, that too this way!!!
By the time the storm of thoughts in my head, got over, I realised more than one trucks having passed by me. And also gone was the ‘deadly’ idea.
That is why, I wonder how people get the thought of ending their life, and then, no other thought to counter it. I wonder, not as someone who never experienced such a feeling, but as someone who could come out of it.
I’m sure God is kind enough to give all of us at least one reason, big or small, to live for. There might be thousand reasons to die, to think of putting an end to life, but if there is at least one reason that makes you live, please count that one reason hundred, thousand, million times. Shun this ‘killing’ idea sooner than it comes. Kill the silence before it kills you. Speak, write, sing, draw, paint, do something to come out of that deep thought, that depression which is fatal. Watch news channels to see you are not the only one suffering, watch dance and singing shows to see other people happy, sharing their happiness. At least one extreme would be yours- either share your grief with others or others’ happiness with you, lessen others’ sadness if that makes you feel lighter, share your possessions with others, if that makes you feel richer and more blessed.
Think of, look out for and reach out to that ONE reason around you, that one thing that gives you hope, something that helps you wish to live.
Speak to, TALK to, communicate with that SOMEone who will listen to you, patiently, without judging you, helping you voice out most beautiful of your feelings and deepest of your worries alike, be it your family member, friend, counsellor or even a diary or a canvas.
If stomach could vomit out anything it could not digest, why not the mind or the heart? Vomit out all the negative thoughts that can disturb your nervous system, your life and let someone ( maybe Me) be the bin for it. Do vomit in order to live healthy, I just did.